The bad, the bad, and the bad

Everyone is entitled to have a bad side. After all, there's no other way to be human but to be imperfect. Flaws, mistakes, misjudgment, inaccuracies, sins, misses - - - however it is worded, the concept is one and the same - it can't be possible to be right or good or understanding or perfect all the time.

So even if somebody seems kind, cheerful, approachable, even if she speaks softly, or has a tagalog surname that means something virtuous, she should not be thought of as 24/7 kind, good and all other positive adjective you can think of.

I am easily mistaken (or at times expected) to be 24/7 kind, good and all other positive adjective one can think of. My twin is too, i don't know, must be brought upon by our seemingly quiet demeanor. I guess people quickly dismiss silence as submissiveness/inability to hurt or bitch out. But I can be a bitch sometimes. I curse. I curse even if there's no need to. Sometimes I wish people ill. I get annoyed by other people's pretentiousness as if I am sure they are just pretending. I give uncalled for remarks. I lie. I break laws and could get away with it. I  get angry for pathetic reasons. I talk back to my mom sometimes. There were incidents that I engage/initiate word war with my sister and I always win because I have the meaner comebacks. I break hearts and there are times that it doesn't affect me. I make PMS an excuse when I am being overly sensitive. I kick our dog. I have a temper. I loose my patience when kids are being smart alecks. I don't feel like sharing sometimes. I pretend.

Back in highschool, my barkada and I committed this offense that we had to be summoned to the disciplinarian's office. All of my friends were scolded. and Only I was the one who was spoken to softly. The teacher said she was surprised to know that I was involved in that silly high school offense (okay we crawled/raced under the IMC chairs during film showing and we supposedly damaged school property). I still remember the disappointment in her eyes and how embarassed I was when she told me that that was not nearly expected of me. I was thinking why not? But of course I just looked down and didn't say anything. A nun in our high school approached Anne and I once, asking us if we are interested to someday join the convent. It was laughable because we know for ourselves that we'll never be qualified.  We stifled that laugh.

I have a feeling that most people will be surprised by this post, but I don't really care. Now don't think that I'm proud of these things that I've done, because I am not and can never be. I just don't care sharing that, just like any other person, I can be bad and beyond sometimes.

I have that side. An ugly side. A not so good side, an unlikeable side, a hate-worthy side - - - however it is worded, people should stop being surprised when sometimes that side of me shows up.