American Idol Gives Back

Josh Groban with African Children Choir

Carrie Underwood "i'll stand by you" video

Simon Auditions

Bye La

My lola was 92 when she passed away last Wednesday. She was my father's mother and was my last living grandparent.  Although her death was something we have seen coming, it was, in no way, any less sad. Anyone who had experienced loss would know that the death of a loved one is something you cannot truly prepare for, you could realize that life is short and time breezes past your fingers and you make everyday count but still when you get there, when you get to the hour of finality , it will sting like an inconvenient truth, feeding like a nightmare you badly want to wake up from.

Witnessing a grandparent die reminded me that my own parents were once children, small, scared and needy, and I might have never realized that, had Lola lived forever.  I guess it's easy to forget that parents were once kids - that they have a back story as children -  especially when they seem so certain and mature and clever all the time. The thought alone that my no nonsense father whom everyone is scared of is feeling less complete with tears in his eyes because Lola is no longer around makes me want to cry. It's heartbreaking and scary and amazing how there are some parts of you that you will never want to outgrow despite time, or age or position. Papa, behind his fatherly physique, has never stopped being a son.

It's a wonder how some of life's greatest lessons only reveal themselves in puzzles, role reversals and  funerals.

Funerals for me have gone from strange to familiar in the past 5 months. My lola's death is the 5th in the family this year (and we haven't even reached mid year yet). You would think that we'd be somehow desensitized by the news of death but no and I don't think it will ever work that way at least not towards a family member.  There's not much difference in experiencing a single death or a series of death - you cry just the same. I wish I could better explain why this is so but it escapes me right now (actually, for days that I have kept this post a draft).

It has been a week since Lola died but we're still having her wake. We are not waiting for anyone abroad to come visit, and we don't need the extra days but it's my father's wish to keep Lola that long. I have a theory that long funerals delay the grief that you immediately feel when someone died.  Since we are still able to see Lola, we feel less loss, and having the whole family gathered around her, made us less lonely. There were nights when we were laughing over silly card games, even Papa was laughing with us, friends will come over and we will exchange stories unrelated to lola,  if not for the coffin and for people wearing black, some nights would have seemed more like a reunion than a funeral.  I guess because it is not humanly possible to keep crying continuously, we resort to some sort of diversion. But I think everyone knows that it's tomorrow, the day we will bury her that will return us all to focus. Lola's gone and we won't see her again, at least not in this lifetime.

Papa's said the reason why he wanted to keep Lola for as long as possible is because after the burial, he will only be able to see her in old photos and that's that. His reason was so simple but it covered everything.

~*~*~*~

All these, the words that I've written are more about us than about Lola. I remember a grade school teacher once said that when someone dies, we cry more for ourselves than for the one who died. If we won't think about ourselves and our loss and how we will miss her, we'd be crying for happiness because now, Lola's finally in a better place - - - somewhere she had always wanted to be. and somehow whenever this thought comes up, I feel lighter.

Bye La, you will always be remembered. 

cute graphics

This is pointless, but I can't stop browsing the net for these cute graphics (and soon post them as comments on my friends' friendster pages), hmmm

  DISCLAIMER: images hosted by http://zangygraphics.com

doodle masterpiece

courtesy of my korean friend, SD. heheh.  =)

360

Uninspired - is what i am, have been, for the past XX days. and that sucks when you make a living out of designing / writing / or anything that requires creative juices. I swear I'm looking at a drought. =( It's good that my senior designer is oozing with creativity. His template (the one i'm using now) is the newest addition to i.ph, it's called pluto (the former planet, cool huh?). When i saw the image above (ice creammm), i know this is going to be my template. I luvvv it. Congratz Clar =)

Like most people (mostly aged 3-10) ice cream (even just the thought of it) cheers me up, ergo the choice of picture, so whenever I blog sad thoughts, there would be something to balance it out. Scroll up, and there it is! =) My momentary  happiness is from a such a shallow place. It's a relief.

When i feel hollow I find myself wishing for my life to turn a 360 and spin me so fast, i'd feel differently. But then again, I know a 360 means a 360. I really don't mean this thought.

I'm off to a baby's party with some ice cream.  =)

Post VDay Thoughts

To think that you might have to settle with whoever comes in second closest to the ideal is a completely scary thought - more than scary, it's sad, that after each passing day, each person you get to know, that wide-eyed hopefulness in you becomes more and more like a serious squint, like when tired eyes try to wait for stars to fall.

I never wanted to be the one who got tired of waiting and 'just settled' by taking whoever is available and easy now. I am a dreamer, a big fan of overwhelming occurences, of skipping heartbeats-icy cold hands-butterflies in the stomach, of the surreal…if it can't be magical, then why bother? It's like that movie line,

“Anything other than mad, passionate love is just a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in this world…, love shouldn’t have to be one of them.”

I am not choosy. I just think that it will be a bigger mistake to not pursue happiness in its best, and I believe, only form. After all everyone deserves butterflies.

Sophia

5 o' clock and a fire escape symphony,
Spilling out across the road and the square,
And the sky's the same as your own, do you think of me?
Do the parks, and trees, and the leaves, reach you, there?
After the rain, in the lonely hours he haunts me, calling out,
Again and again.

Sophia, Sophia, I'm burning, I'm burning,
It's a fire, it's a fire, I cannot put out,
Sophia, Sophia, I'm learning that some things,
I can't go without and one of of them is him.

All at once

Just one of the many songs I really really like by THE FRAY  =)

There are certain people
You just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder
Could you find a better one
Compared to her now she’s in question

And all at once
The crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing
And the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare
To someone not there

Looking for the right one
You line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won’t keep on waiting
For you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once
The crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing
And the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare
To someone not there

Maybe you want it
Maybe you need it
Maybe it’s all you’re running from
Perfection will not come

And all at once
The crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We’d never know what’s wrong
Without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing
And the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you’ve started to compare
To someone not there
Maybe you want it
Maybe you need it
Maybe it’s all you’re running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you had her,
Maybe you lost her to another
To another

Funny Tagalog Translations

1. black hawk down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man's chest - dodo ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer -uyy.. aminin! alam ko ang ginawa mo noong bakasyon
4. love, actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (depende sa exchange rate ng bansa)
6. the blair witch project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins - si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish - talakitok
12. pretty woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. four weddings and a funeral - kahit apat na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. harry potter and the sorcerer's stone - adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. click - isang pindot ka lang
18. brokeback mountain - may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala o ang cowboy bumigay sa likod ng bundok
19. waterworld - basang-basa o mundo ng tubig

Light A Candle

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They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action.

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Together, we can destroy the commercial viability of Internet child abuse sites that are destroying the lives of innocent children.